The Best Charlie Sheen Drama Quotes and Rants + Sheen T-Shirts

Debauchery, cocaine, and a filthy mouth. And so goes the life of Two and a Half Men star/self proclaimed rock star, Charlie Sheen. Sheen, whose show was recently put on hold and then indefinitely dropped from production, has been going on a tirade the past few days. It’s been quite interesting, actually, to peek into the sordid life that he live. Here of some of my favoriet Sheen quotes/videos/rants from the last couple of days:

From his Today Show interview:

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On his chest tattoo:

“It’s the banner from the death card that Kilgore [the Robert Duvall character] is throwing on his victims. But also falling from it is the apple from [poet Shel Silverstein’s] ‘The Giving Tree.’ There’s my life. Deal with it. I’m not just my dad. I’m putting up the river to kill another part of me, which is Kurtz. I’m every character in between, save for that little weirdo with his guts strapped in, begging for water. That’s not me. But there are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper. ‘You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me.’ Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”

On his publicist quiting on him:

“Pussy. He’s not allowed to quit, so you’re fired.”

On his dad telling him to seek help:

“My conduct is bitchin’, my condition is perfect.”

On being banned from the Warner Bros. lot:

“Wow, that’s kind of strange given [Warner Bros. Television President] Peter Roth always said it was my show that kept the lights on. Doesn’t matter too much because after Wednesday they’ll have to rename Warner Bros. as Charlie’s Bros. I will fire those clowns and bring in my own team.”

On being on a drug called Charlie Sheen:

On Two and a Half Men creator, Chuck Lorre:

“Defeat is not an option. They know what they did was wrong they are in absolute breach [of contract] I did nothing wrong. I expressed an opinion, I have the first amendment and I have an army marching behind me, to quote Eminem. I put a billion dollars in the studio’s pockets and I put half a billion dollars in Chuck’s pocket. I should of been walking in to massages and hand jobs. Yeah, I said it! [The show’s producers] kept getting up into my grill, kept tell me how to live my personal life.. I’m saying ‘back off back off’ and they wouldn’t. I’m the type of guy who doesn’t hassle anybody…I think everybody’s got a black belt and a gun..so..I don’t get in anybody’s business. I kept asking for that respect and I couldn’t get it, I couldn’t get it. These guys are a couple of AA Nazis and just blatant hypocrites. They just do not practice what they preach it’s so transparent and so sad.”

On being a racist:

“I was referring to Chuck by his real name, because I wanted to address the man, not the bulls**t TV persona…So you’re telling me, anytime someone calls me Carlos Estevez, I can claim they are anti-Latino.”

On being clean:

“If they do discover my blood to be tiger blood, I hope that nobody will be shocked!”

A letter from Charlie Sheen:

“What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows … I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can’t handle my power and can’t handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon.

Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people … not yours…we will continue on together…”

On Two and a Half Men being shut down:

“Newsflash, I’m special.”

“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning. My success rate is 100%. I was shackled and oppressed by the cult of AA for 22 years. I finally extracted myself from their troll hole and started living my life the way I want to live it. It’s vintage, outdated and stupid and it’s followed by STUPID people. I hate them violently. They will come at me. Debate me on AA right now. I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it right now with my mind.”

“I was told if I went on the attack they’d cancel the show. Are they happy with the 5 billion dollars they made off me or do they want 10? I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. There’s a new sheriff, and he has an army of assassins.”

“My motto now is either you love or you hate and you must do so violently. I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get embarrassed. If you love with violence and you hate with violence there is nothing that can be questioned.”

“I’m going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly around the world. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view. I don’t subscribe to any model.”

And of course, it would be remiss if I failed to mention a Charlie Sheen T-Shirt, so check out these fresh new pop-ish themed Sheen tees from La Boutique Genevan. Both shirts are available now for €22.

And then you’ve got these from Donkey T’s, a little more appropriate for the times, hah! Both shirts are available now for $16.

Scary Anime Lady Scribble T-Shirt

You can file this under the category labeled bizarre. Yu Kobayashi is a Japanese actress that is best known for her voice, which has appeared in video games such as Ar tonelico III, Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon and the feature film adaptation of Animal Crossing. What’s bizarre is that she decided to create some scribbles that look like they came from someone who was high on acid. And the worst part is that this isn’t a joke product, Kobayashi is actually selling her design in tote and T-Shirt form. If you’re crazy enough to be even remotely interested in this, then you deserve to spend the $63 that it will cost you to own these two products.

Would you buy this T-Shirt/Tote combination pack? Would you wear this T-Shirt?

PERF Laser Cut T-Shirt Designs

In the not so distant future, we will all use T-Shirts featuring laser cut designs. Screen printed apparel will be a thing of the past. Feasible? Probably not. Possible? Absolutely. In fact, a new brand called PERF Last Cut Apparel is doing exact that right now in 2011. You don’t even need to wait for the no so distant future.

“PERF creates unique laser cut patterned t-shirts for men and women. Eager to bring a distinctive texture and pattern to the clothes I wear, I created PERF after discovering the potential of using laser cutting technology to transform the everyday t-shirt into something extraordinary by cutting out unique patterns in them! I prefer to wear them with a colored t-shirt underneath, but I’ll leave that up to you. Or if you’d like, you can purchase an underlayer shirt of your specified color, separately. Each T-shirt is laser cut individually after you order it based on your preference for pattern, color and size. Please be patient as it may take up to 2 weeks to complete your order.”

PERF Laser Cut T-Shirts are available now from the PERF online shop from $34 to $45.

Bear Shark Meme Epicness

This shirt has a lot of things going on, so let me walk you through it. First there’s a shark, then there’s a bear straddled on top of said shark. Bear is clutching a rifle while smoking a cigar. All the while, the bear has on a Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. Not far away, there is an explosion, the kind of big explosion that Michael Bay loves to set off in his movies (see Transformers, Pearl Harbor, and Armageddon).

Can a shirt get any more epic than this? I’d sign a petition to have this shirt made into a movie. Someone, anyone, go get that petition started!

Bear Shark is available now from NerdyShirts for $24.95.

I wonder if this T-Shirt has anything to do with the sharkbeartopus meme that spread via Reddit a few years ago: