Lessons Learned While Binging on House of Cards Season 2

Having a cold sucks. It starts with a sore throat. For me, that sore throat reared its ugly face during President’s Day Weekend. Maybe Valentine’s Day was a bit too indulgent this year. The sore throat inevitably led to muscle aches, a runny nose, headaches, and miserable congestion. Being out on sick leave for a week provided me with the perfect opportunity to binge watch House of Cards. Released, ironically, on Valentine’s Day. Nice work, Netflix. Forcing people to choose between their loved one or conniving Frank Underwood.

My existence, for the past week anyways, has been threefold:

  1. Sleep
  2. Watch House of Cards
  3. Take NyQuil

That was it. And so, as you can imagine, I’ve had some time to really digest Season 2 of House of Cards. What did I learn? A lot. Here are ten bullet points, in no particular order:

  • Don’t get too close to moving trains.
  • Politicians still use Blackberry’s.
  • The President’s staff should always be more ruthless than the Vice President’s staff.
  • Don’t waste $95,000 on a son that you haven’t seen in years with the hope that money, or a new house, will rebuild your broken relationship. Happy endings never happen, especially in Washington, D.C.
  • Claire Underwood is a gazelle that patiently waits for her prey. Frank Underwood is a ruthless lion that enjoys the taste of blood.
  • Speaking of blood: Slow, painful deaths are best. Especially if you seek tasty ribs.
  • Never leave your car, during the dead of night, parked and unattended at a stoplight just so that you can chase a girl that obviously hates your guts. Just don’t do it.
  • Never refuse good whisky.
  • Hide your vices, but make sure they’re accessible. Savor said vices when you need them the most.
  • Shake with your right hand but hold a rock in your left.

Above all, always ask yourself: What would Frank Underwood do?